Today I profess, the love that I have for all things I mention TODAY.
I love stairwells.. to sit and to pray at.. and to enjoy a brief reprieve.. from the chaos outside.
I declare!!
My love for dark clouds that forebodes the coming of God's blessings
Together with the mist of cool air that embraces my tortured flesh.. with an oath to keep it safe..
I confess!!
My yearning for a woman who might never know how I feel..
She of almond shaped eyes.. a kind soul..and of a fragrance that might only be matched by the smell of a baby's maiden breath.
Yet..I am restrained by my own cowardice..and further burdened by an overwhelming dependence on all things I love.. When will I break free of this curse which has afflicted me so? A psychological muzzle determined to fling me to obscurity and always leaving me content to be in the shadows..
But today I am free to make that choice..
the choice to make my voice be heard..
A virtual voice but a voice nevertheless..
And it is here that people can finally listen to the cries of my inner soul.. no wonder my inner ears are going deaf.
You are a violin. You are very held back and quiet. You do what you want and that usually means something quiet like reading or writing. You are calm and perhaps considered dark to some. But you rarly talk to anyone besides your close friend or family.
Your dark side is centered around Hopeless Faith. A shattered broken heart holding its last breath, searching for its salvation in a cold world. All you want is a sweet loving heart, touchs your hand and holds you in their arms, prmoising you they will love you forever, so you can feel that the whole world is revolved around the both of you only, no more sorrow or regret, just love. You will find what you want when you believe in yourself and when you start making your life with your own hands.
I realised something weird today.. As usual, I was late for lecture..but I realised that i went to the left side of the lecture theatre.. Yes, before anyone thinks i'm a twit for noticing something mundane like that.. well I'd like to point out that the left side of the lecture theatre was the furthest away from the entrance.. as such, I had to endure a longer 'walk of shame'- embarassingly disapproving stares from people who were supposed to be 'paying attention' to the lecturer.. some even taking the trouble to shake their heads.. the ultimate demonstration of disapproval for latecomers! The noisy cling-clang of the lecture theatre doors didnt help my cause. Anyway.. back to the topic at hand.. while i quickly tried to find my the nearest seat on the LEFT SIDE of the lecture theatre.. I realised that there were so many seats on the right.. just in front of the entrance.. then i thought to myself.. "what a goondoo i am!" Then I started thinking.. and realised.. I've been sitting on the left side since secondary school which is about 14 years already... kind of weird actually.. and i've been trying to rationalize my findings.. maybe it's because im right handed..left brained.. so i have an affinity for..the left side? i dunno.. i hope someone enlightens me if they read this.. some psychological reasoning? does it mean I have leftist inclinations? am i a leftist, marxist fascist? i dunno.. Anyway.. digressing a bit, i was walking home tonight when i felt something knock against my ankle.. something big.. i thought it was a cat.. until i saw a wire-like tail disappear into the drains.. refer to my previous post.
There is a problem in my neighbourhood.. Something to do with cats and rats.. I love animals like the next person.. well.. maybe, i do have reservations against disease carrying pests.. but i generally feel we share a common biosphere and we should treat and be treated with equal respect.. But this problem seems to be escalating.. and few seem to realize the gravity of their actions.. See, there are a lot of cats in my neighbourhood.. grey, brown, striped.. you name it.. and they're all really happy to hang around the neighbourhood because.. well..there is plentiful supply of food here.. My neighbourhood supplies these cats with fish, milk, even buying generic cat food just to feed these stray cats( that's my mom for you).. Well, that's all fine and dandy.. until mickey mouse and friends came and took over the neighbourhood. See.. the cats are so happy being fed and all.. that they become.. well..kinda fat and lazy.. all they do is just lounge around ..wait for food and multiply. Meanwhile the rats too.. are getting fat..and multiplying.. and i can always see one or two scurrying around in the middle of the night.. and even in broad daylight sometimes! The most rats I saw were five in a small area.. Seems like they're forming support groups. Anyway, this is a good example of what happens when animal lovers upset the ecological balance.. And hunting rats is good for the cats as well.. good exercise.. keeps their mind and predatory instincts sharp.. teaches them to be independent too.. Plus.. it keeps the rat population low. Anyway, if this situation persists..like I think it will.. im pretty sure that one day, these cat lovers will be doing their thing and feeding the cats.. till they discover that they're actually RATS!.. no kidding.. i saw one pretty big rat the other day.. definitely as big as a cat.. Diseases..bubonic plague.. who knows.. maybe i'm just overreacting.
Stirred from slumber.. Bitten by the ferocity of the wind of the night.. He awakes..blaming it on the wind.. The weight of responsibility has always proven to be his proverbial alarm clock.. though he denies it perpetually. But the sight of an open window has always been his most dependable healer. Up above flashes of brilliance fill the sky, almost resembling an epic battle in the skies amidst raging torrential rain. Strangely..the sky looks a gentle pink..or brown.. belying the rage behind the clouds.. what lies beyond the clouds he wonders.. a raging battle to tear the world asunder? Lost in his thoughts.. he greedily takes a giant whiff of the air.. ahh.. the smell of rain cooled air.. so fresh and minty.. The wind has always been his faithful companion.. And he is grateful that he can always talk to the wind in times.. like this. Sadly he knows that his place..at least for now..is not up there in the clouds..A long day ahead..time to go back to bed.. He closes the windows..even as drops of rain try to enter.. trickling down the panes.. looking in.. but it's just too bad.. the windows are closed.
The depth of human thought can never truly be deciphered by mere psychological theories drawn up by men with overgrown beards and with a less-than-healthy obsession with the human psyche. We are influenced by everything that happens around us, especially by things we went through in the earlier chapters of our lives. Some people live their lives like a textbook with extreme precision, neatness, well calculated and drawn up conclusions with a well-arranged appendix to look through good and bad times in the annals in our mind. Others live their lives like a novel, with themselves being the protagonist and the world centred around them. The more fortunate ones may live their lives as though they were magazines or comics.. full of colour and vibrance and wonderful pictures. Whatever lives we lead.. we should certainly maintain our personal values in a world that seems increasingly ravaged by the surfeit of temporal releases. I went through a website earlier called www.a-book-of-life.org which emphasized three points which I found useful in future decisions/actions. Do not do things for the approval of others, or self-importance. All of us are important. Do things to help others because it is needed. Do not do things for just the material gain, but for our journey in life.
Indeed, all this may sound like run-of-the-mill cliches and certainly, if I had truly cared about the approval of others, I would not publish this at all.. But I have learnt something new today.. something others may have learnt decades ago.. I am after all a slow learner.. But I'm willing to share what little I know to hopefully prick dormant minds into activity..and from there try and grow further. I have taken this half-step.. and I hope others will too.
Your A Dragon! Whether your the fire, electric, or ice dragon, you are very powerful and wise. Fire Dragons usually live in caves, elctric dragons live in valleys, and ice dragons live in mountain tops. A dragon represents wisdom, magic, love, grace, power, intelligence, determinotion, hounesty, and freedom. You tend to be a little explosive when your angry, so aa dragon can cuase lightning storms, blizzards, or heatwaves. Dragons are solitorey creatures, or lay live together, just not near humans. Whichever dragon you are, you certaintly are a rare mythical creature.
Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the dragons, you are most powerful but do not like to show it. A rare and special creture, you have artistic style and are great at expressing yourself. You think friends and Familly are the most important, and are a hopeless romantic. But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you always apoligize later!
Flower petals from a nearby pong-pong tree fall down..freely through the air before slowing down..trickling down the bodies of two ancient foes..before kissing their boots.A white dove watches from the safety of the pong pong tree. They stare at each other..both unwilling to back down.. They were once friends but an internal rift of seemingly insurmountable proportions have driven them to opposite ends of the battleground. On one end was the famed Blue Black Grass Snake.. His battered and bruised soul giving rise to an ineffective camouflage.. He always seems out of place in his environment.. and he's still looking for fields of blue black grass to call home.. On the other end.. the pink white dragon amigo, whose amazing ability to change colours at will to suit her environment.. and unbelievable talent and poise endear her to everyone whose path crosses hers.. A charmer of all creatures big and small..including of course..snakes.. Which was how they became friends in the first place.. But now they stare at each other..forgiveness furthest from their minds.. Pink white dragon amigo fires the first salvo.. spinning 360 degrees in her position.. she leaps high above and flings her arms forward to release her "Waves of insult" . He was caught by surprise.. and hit bad.. real bad.. writhing in pain he lets out a cry.. not a cry of pain ..a WAR CRY.. As she continues her assault on the wounded snake.. he sticks out his leg... causing her to trip and fall.. The famed "Guilt Trip" .Mountains of guilt in the form of giant annals of her past engulf her and she seems defeated..finally.. But she refuses to give up.. Summoning all her inner strength.. she pushes aside the guilt with such force that it resulted in a thunderous explosion.. And the rain fell as though there was a leak in the heavens.. It was already too late..startled by the sudden rain..the white dove watching them flies away.. as the foes.. who were once friends.. stand head to head..
A dreamer. You are the Faerie of the Moonlight. A calm spirit who feels alone. You sometimes find yourself crying, but can not figure out the reason. You have a fear of being used. People have hurt you, and you do not know if you can trust them. You lose yourself in writing or reading, a very creative faerie. People want to be your friend, but you don't know if you want to be theirs. Sometimes you classify yourself as an outcast, but you try to be content with your tears. At least you'll always have your fantasies..
I was watching this programme earlier.. and it was a bit depressing.. it was a reality show.. like a real info/documentary type show.. and it was focusing on senior citizens who have been more or less been left to fend for themselves.. one particularly striking case was that of this old woman who is living with her son in a single-room studio apartment. It was sad seeing her like that.. her bed was also her toilet.. and her son has to help her do many things.. washing her soiled underwear.. making her meals.. helping her change.. it's a good thing she could still bathe herself.. Anyway, being a mother.. and to be seen in such a state by her own son(who is around 50 years old himself).. you have to believe that the dignity she once owned as a woman..someone's wife..someone's mother.. would also have been flushed down the toilet. But the love that this son has for his mom has surpasses questions of hygiene.. surpasses questions over dignity.. Which is more than i could say for the woman's other 3 sons. You see..this lady has..or maybe i should say HAD 4 sons when she was younger.. these 3 sons got married and led their own lives. At one point, the interviewer asked why she didnt stay with her other 3 sons and their wives.. At first..she said..their houses were 2 small and they didnt have enough space to accommodate her.. and she said she had a fully grown grandson who is 20 years of age.. then suddenly.. overwhelmed by a wave of emotion..she finally broke..her brave front finally faltered and she said that she had wanted to live with her 3 sons..but they wouldn't take her in.. Perhaps she was trying to protect their dignity.. Perhaps she was trying to protect what's left of her own dignity that her own children wouldn't take her in..who knows.. and she is certainly not alone.Many senior citizens have been abandoned by their children so that their own lives could be led with a comfortable amount of privacy. Hmm..privacy over the woman who endured 9 months of labour.. It'd be an easy choice for me..but i guess every family has their own internal conflicts.. I guess this is why God created the miraculous genius that is Death.. When our minds turn senile.. our bodily functions go awry... well..you know our time is up to end the circle of life..because that's the way it was meant to be. Some people earlier than others, but in the end, the timing is always perfect.
Is the world really meant to be this way? well.. i guess so.. otherwise..how else would it be? For years, I've been contemplating things ranging from gymnastics to academics to crazy antics and things not worth mentioning..like why superman wears his undies on the outside or why the town council refuses to repair the street lights so i can jog at night without discovering squished rats on the soles of my jogging shoes when i return home..But that's just it.. while we're going on.. pontificating on seemingly important issues like if we should have another art museum in the country.. or if michael jackson is really wacko..or if our girlfriends or boyfriends or wives or husbands are cheating on us.. people are starving to death in places we never imagined existed.. murdered..raped.. all the sins which have been so vilified by God but glorified by the media.. I wish i could help somehow.. and i wouldnt mind donning red underwear outside my pants if i could help somehow.. but i cant... or is it i wont? I try to do my bit my contributing a bit to different charities but knowing the voraciousness of commercial appetite.. how much of that money will actually reach the people that need the money? and how much is going to be filtered into 'administration'.. Maybe i'm just paranoid.. I really hope I am. God help us all.. because it doesnt seem like we're helping each other.
Centuries of backward ways, have many left behind us Who can count the good men gone away The fruits of all our labors have left us as we started We've come too far to end it in a day It seems that everything we do is wrong A one way trip to nowhere all along Just look around and tell me what you see Another stupid page of history
(Chorus) No one together, No one is touching ground Look to each other, Chaos is all around Same situation, Nothing is really new No one together, No one is me and you
Lo the horn of plenty is bursting at the seam The harvest of the world will be our prize We claim to know the secrets, the answers have been found But how can one fool make another wise 'Cause nothing's better than it used to be To live and die is still a mystery We take away and we give nothing back We just consume it all and still we lack
(Chorus)
Each day passed by so quickly now You can feel it drawing much closer now The signs are in the faces of the people in the street The signs are in the sound I hear The voices filled with hate and fear You can feel it drawing near you now
The multitudes are searching, and wandering in vain For what they seek cannot be found in men The truth that lies before us now is plain for all to see To grow without is not to grow within For in the promise is a victory To see the way that everything should be To feel the joy that we were meant to know We should have realized so long ago
We're all together, Harmony will abound' Look at each other, All that was lost is found New situation if our direction's true We're all together, Everyone is me and you
You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!
Every now and then, I am reminded of how insignificant we may be in the greater scheme of things.. Loneliness sets in like the US on an unsuspecting nation.. silent but extremely lethal.. I was back serving my national duty in the infantry reserve unit.. It was a brief training stint with the focus mainly to celebrate winning the best reserve infantry unit..However, in that one week.. I realised many things have changed since the last time I met the guys.. One notable difference was the fact that many of the guys are now married.. Being one of the younger guys in the unit.. the thought of getting hitched hasnt really materialised yet.. But listening to them talking about their lives and their babies did make me wonder if my life was moving at all.. I have been in and out several relationships before.. and I have contemplated getting married to some of these girls before.. I had never really thought realistically about it.. my thoughts were all nice and sugar coated.. snuggling on a cold night.. watching tv together.. that kind of stuff.. Responsibility? Never crossed my mind.. Marriage is after all not just a union of people and all that is sweet but a union of liabilities as well..Bills.. body odour.. halitosis.. short tempers..But I guess I have to move on from where I am now.. A lot of my friends have been 'lost' to more important commitments.. career..spouses..new friends..etc etc.. me? well..perhaps i'm slowly fading away into oblivion.. but perhaps that may be for the best.. what was once me is now a memory..
For the past few weeks, I have been trying hard to practise the art of desensitizing myself towards everything around me. I have decided that the many highs and lows can really take its toll on me.. I guess one of the reasons why you can feel really down is that sometimes..you're so used to being up there that when you do fall.. it becomes unbearable. As any scientific theory can tell you.. to stabilise an object, we need to limit its motion, reduce its momentum and let it slow down to a halt. Lately I have been trying to do that.. when disappointments crop up.. I try to accept them as soon as possible and move on.. thinking about them too much will probably just prolong the pain anyway..But sympathy is a harder one to tackle.. it's hard to ignore old ladies straining their eyes on the train.. or struggling to keep a vertical base as strapping boys and young ladies furnish the train seats with their expensively attired derrieres.. I'll have to work on that.. then maybe i can stop feeling guilty about sitting on the train as well.. Another aspect of this desensitizing process is to limit my happiness upon receiving good news.. I've been practising this one pretty well.. Praises.. appointments for movies.. I let them all slide past me.. Getting rid of all this emotions is hard though.. but i think it may be worth it in the end.. The next couple of days I will be working on fear and love.. I underwent a similar process in the past to purge myself of a lot of pent-up anger.. Im confident I can do this but the whole desensitizing process may take some time.. years probably.. But the day I become an emotionless robot will be the day I smile.. albeit a neutral smile.
I've always wondered what foie gras was.. well here it is
[b][i]Foie gras[/i], [FWAH GRAH]: [/b]
Although the literal translation from French is "fat liver," foie gras is the term generally used for goose liver. This specialty of Alsace and Perigord is, in fact, the enlarged liver from a goose or duck that has been force-fed and fattened over a period of four to five months. These specially bred fowl are not permitted to exercise, which, combined with the overeating, creates a huge (up to 3 pounds), fatty liver. After the bird is killed, the liver is soaked overnight in milk, water or port. It's drained, then marinated in a mixture usually consisting of Armagnac, Port, or Madeira and various seasonings. The livers are then cooked, usually by baking.
Bright lights.. bright colours.. dreams of fames .. dreams of fortune.. Basking in the light of stars.. we follow their every dalliance..every move..every breath.. As the Kings and Queens of Bollywood continue gyrating their gym sculpted hips.. running around coconut trees and fighting onscreen with such panache that sound effects from the Adam West generation of Batman are resurrected.. little attention is spared to the people who make up the other 90% of India. These are the people who break their hips trying to climb coconut trees before fighting to get on a train to sell off their coconuts in a nearby town.. their meagre earnings forced to spread thinly amongst a large family.. We dont see that often.. sometimes we choose not to.. because we prefer looking at the stars above rather than the earth below.. and even if we looked.. would we really dig deep into our pockets? or do we just feel sorry for them for a day or two before forgetting about them? what should we do... what should we do.. Human beings are always attacked from the blind side.. what appears good outside is more often than not rotten in the inside.. money and the chase for success has led us to compromise our principles.. the joys of good music and entertainment has led us to forget and care less about our Creator..our search for love has mutated into a search for lust.. for human beings to rise above the temporal urgencies of Earth.. he has to first lift the wool over his eyes.. Easier said than done.But nothing's impossible.
I've been wanting to try and write these few days.. but it's always the same case.. I always face the monitor with a blank brain. So then I start feeling sleepy and go off to bed.. Amazingly.. a great idea for a blog topic will come out of nowhere just as Im about to sleep.. The ideas start to develop.. and before you know it.. a blog that earned a right to be written and published.. if not for others to read..then perhaps for the token 5 tbucks which in the year 2020 can be exchanged for american dollars. But, as always.. I'll be too tired to write it.. and before you know it.. the cold gusts of wind from a rain-cooled air blanket my whole body.. and the sounds of cats mating downstairs lull me to sleep.
So what happened to the blog? well .. one of two things can happen.. one.. I'll totally forget about it.. 2.. I'll remember it..but I just wont think it was any good anymore.. perhaps it loses relevance.. perhaps I lost interest.. perhaps the mood isnt right.. who knows.. So what do I have to serve up today? this.. a big serving of writer's block with stale stories at the side left over from last night.
All my life, I have been swimming in the dark, I'm never alone but inevitably loneliness always sets in like sunset. Friends and family have provided me with direction and faith, yet I cower to see what I've become. A fish swimming in the dark hoping to see a glimmer of light here and there but always waiting for a big stage light to show the way to the exit. Without that shining bright light, I'm afraid that the little lights here and there may get me lost. Yet again. The exit I look forward to but fear slows me down.
The shame of blame lay claim to all who came, If it's all the same, i'd stop the game and proclaim my ego maimed. To reclaim my name, i'd have to change my aim and throw out excuses- good or lame. Fame does not burn with the same flames, old flames are less volatile than new dames. But new dames can never figure into the frame which once held a good name. [image]everton79_81146469 7.jpg[/image]
They haunt him like shadows that follow you on a deserted street. Every time he tries to run away from them.. new ones get created out of nowhere.. Indeed.. new ones make up for the shortcomings of the old ones.. He has to make sure he is covered from most angles if not all.. But some may have already known.. Put together.. they can destroy that which he has painstakingly sought to protect.His self-image. Perhaps one day he will realize it is not that important to them as it is to him. But pride comes before a fall.
Today I profess, the love that I have for all things I mention TODAY.
I love stairwells.. to sit and to pray at.. and to enjoy a brief reprieve.. from the chaos outside.
I declare!!
My love for dark clouds that forebodes the coming of God's blessings
Together with the mist of cool air that embraces my tortured flesh.. with an oath to keep it safe..
I confess!!
My yearning for a woman who might never know how I feel..
She of almond shaped eyes.. a kind soul..and of a fragrance that might only be matched by the smell of a baby's maiden breath.
Yet..I am restrained by my own cowardice..and further burdened by an overwhelming dependence on all things I love.. When will I break free of this curse which has afflicted me so? A psychological muzzle determined to fling me to obscurity and always leaving me content to be in the shadows..
But today I am free to make that choice..
the choice to make my voice be heard..
A virtual voice but a voice nevertheless..
And it is here that people can finally listen to the cries of my inner soul.. no wonder my inner ears are going deaf.
You aren't satisfied with just one flavor. They say variety is the spice of life and this shines through in your Ice cream of choice! Just don't eat all the chocolate and leave the strawberry and vanilla behind!